Tonight I was singing a favorite lullaby to Avery, "Child of Mine." It's a Carole King song from the album, "For Our Children." It was one of the first CD's my family ever bought back when we got our first CD player in the early 90's. Well, just after Warren was born, I saw the 10th anniversary edition of the CD for sale and bought it for old times sake. (If you're interested, it also has a rockin' Little Richie version of "Itsy Bitsy Spider"--my family once danced to it a a church talent show with my brother Brent all dressed up as a spider with stuffed black panty hose.)
Well, I'm singing the song, and I came to a line near the end: "I know you will be honest if you can't always be kind," and laughed inwardly because I finally understood that line. Here's why. Last week I made a comment about changing my clothes so I could play outside with Warren. He didn't understand why I was changing them and explained very matter-of-factly that the reason was "cuz' you're too wide and fat, mom." "What do you mean?" I prodded, interestedly. Kind of patronizingly he expounded, "The reason that your clothes don't look so cute on you is cuz' you're too wide and fat." I followed up with, "Do you know why I'm wide and fat?" "Yeah--it's cuz' you're old." Ouch. No, really, I wasn't offended or upset--I had quite the happy chuckle and then explained that because I am pregnant, 5.5 months now, I am growing as the baby grows. He remembered this, too, because I told this story a few days ago, and he cut in, "But it's because my mom is pregnant." Honest, if not kind.
Needless to say, later as I read this talk on unity, I shared with Warren the advice, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I didn't reference the wide and fat comment, but, I'm hoping his bright little mind will pick that up and thus avoid any future altercations that might involve an audience that doesn't appreciate Warren's "humor" the way I did.
It was a reminder for me in another way, too. Coming from Warren--and I know he really must think I am fat--I wasn't offended at all. I took his comment at face value, no strings attached. When he said it, I didn't let my mind start translating his statement to other meanings like, "And I am therefore worthless...ugly...lazy..." or "And that means he doesn't like me!" Yet, if someone else--probably anybody but my kid--had said the same thing, or even something slightly more tactful, I probably would've been offended, or felt poorly about myself. So this little story is proof to me that no one can offend me--I can only offend myself. To quote a wise man, "[I]t ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else."
Well, I'm singing the song, and I came to a line near the end: "I know you will be honest if you can't always be kind," and laughed inwardly because I finally understood that line. Here's why. Last week I made a comment about changing my clothes so I could play outside with Warren. He didn't understand why I was changing them and explained very matter-of-factly that the reason was "cuz' you're too wide and fat, mom." "What do you mean?" I prodded, interestedly. Kind of patronizingly he expounded, "The reason that your clothes don't look so cute on you is cuz' you're too wide and fat." I followed up with, "Do you know why I'm wide and fat?" "Yeah--it's cuz' you're old." Ouch. No, really, I wasn't offended or upset--I had quite the happy chuckle and then explained that because I am pregnant, 5.5 months now, I am growing as the baby grows. He remembered this, too, because I told this story a few days ago, and he cut in, "But it's because my mom is pregnant." Honest, if not kind.
Needless to say, later as I read this talk on unity, I shared with Warren the advice, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I didn't reference the wide and fat comment, but, I'm hoping his bright little mind will pick that up and thus avoid any future altercations that might involve an audience that doesn't appreciate Warren's "humor" the way I did.
It was a reminder for me in another way, too. Coming from Warren--and I know he really must think I am fat--I wasn't offended at all. I took his comment at face value, no strings attached. When he said it, I didn't let my mind start translating his statement to other meanings like, "And I am therefore worthless...ugly...lazy..." or "And that means he doesn't like me!" Yet, if someone else--probably anybody but my kid--had said the same thing, or even something slightly more tactful, I probably would've been offended, or felt poorly about myself. So this little story is proof to me that no one can offend me--I can only offend myself. To quote a wise man, "[I]t ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else."
2 comments:
You're right--I tend to give allowances for some people and not for others. Kind of silly. I am wondering though if now he is going to ask someone if they are pregnant when they are really just round and fat. You win some you lose some.
Oh my, you are right. Maybe we'll have a talk regarding appropriate comments to make--or not make--about bodies.
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